I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
