Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
