At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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