I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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