He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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