what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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