I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
