just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
