You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
bring money and cleavage
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
