Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
