Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize