she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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