he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
