my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
