I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
