Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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