he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
