Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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