I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
my penis made a compromise with my morals
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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