There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
