he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
where are my eyebrows?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
