Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
