For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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