Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
