Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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