wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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