Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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