mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
