Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
