No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
