So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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