Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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