I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
