I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
