I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
