Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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