Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
