can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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