my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
