Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Non-Jews are for practice
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
