I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
