pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
There's a naked man in my car right now.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
