You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
