Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
