He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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