Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
