If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
