paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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