If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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