We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
