My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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