Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
My life is pants optional.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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