one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize