dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
