and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
