Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
