forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
