All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
