Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
