being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
