Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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