how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
