I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize