My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
