Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
