The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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