I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
