ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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