Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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