Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
