So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
