$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
a search helicopter?!
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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