I want to have your abortion
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
