scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
