You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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