Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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