whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Randomize
