I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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