guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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