the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You were trust falling into bushes
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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