Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
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