On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
