I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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