She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
