There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
