I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
