Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize