I molested 6 butterflies tonight
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
