So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
